A new thing, and I kinda like it.

Good things are happening, and I am enjoying it. The long time spent wondering, well, it's not so much wondering now as it is finding out. I mentioned in an earlier post that I had met a guy through match.com who sparked my interest. I guess you could say he has my full attention now.

We've been on a bunch of dates and things are going really well so far. Being the straight forward, cards on the table, kind of girl I am, I gave him the "this is a pretty new scenario for me" speech. And his response, well, it couldn't have been much better, "I like you too much to rush anything" Hehe.

It's a lot of fun this dating thing. And now that it is really happening and I am not just imagining what dating must be like through a sad girl's eyes, I wonder what the heck my problem was. Perhaps I have happened upon something better than I was expecting, but so far, the ease with which we can talk to one another, and how comfortable I am when I am around him, make me glad I waited until I felt this way about someone and didn't just settle for some guy I never really liked to begin with, just to say I was dating someone.

I am definitely enjoying this new side of life, and of me. At the same time, I am trying to keep my head at least a little. I know myself well enough to know how I care about people. It's an all or nothing kind of game. The last thing I need is a relationship that moves way faster than I am ready for. But he is in on the secret, and so far he's been pretty great about my slowish pace. I am excited to see how this plays out :)

So many good things

Sometimes it can be so easy to find all the things wrong, to remember all the times you've been hurt, all the ways you see yourself failing, all the paths before your feet appearing vague and indiscernible. Sometimes the ease of complaining for the sympathy you get in response takes over your thoughts and you tumble head over feet into gray. But other times, you can't help but see joy. The little girl who genuinely thanks you for holding the door open as she guides her toddler brother through receives a prayer for a life filled with happiness and kindness, the woman at the check out, a gesture of sincere appreciation, the man who offers to carry a heavy box, the opportunity to help. And sometimes, your heart seems so full, its joy permeates your being, and negates all those times you felt life had dealt you a raw hand. What an awesome gift, this chance to see life anew with out all the stains you had trained your eyes to see. It's in these times, when all the immense blessings in your life become so apparent.

This life I live is truly a sun-kissed Saturday, and the warmth of love surrounding me restores my soul. The opportunities I have, the people I love, the things I could dream are as tangible a reality as this penny in my pocket.

Some might attribute this little sun burst to what I gave mention of in my previous post. Though having that new diversion is certainly welcome and I am enjoying the possibilities it brings, this feeling of thankfulness has been growing for the past several weeks. Life is good, and so much more worth rejoicing over than complaining about. An essential shift has occurred. My perspective is repaired, refocused, and dusted off. Every so often this resetting reminds me of all that is good , and makes life's trials seem less daunting. There is joy in my heart and my cup runneth over.

A good feeling

So I had a date last night. (Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance). It was with a guy I met through match.com and who I met for the first time last Monday over a hot beverage (also read as "tea at a coffee joint"- saying you met for tea sounds kinda lame considering how many 73+ year old grandmas meet for tea (and maybe some crumpets), so, "hot beverage" it is).

Really great guy, nice, friendly, easy to talk to, cute, (tall), interesting, you know, all those things you hope dates to be. It seems we have hit it off. I know, SHOCKING! :) Someone kinda likes me, who'da thunk it? And I like him. So far it seems we have a lot in common, which is a good way to start anything if you ask me. I don't feel like I have to put on a show- he's easy to be myself around, and that is great. Anyone who knows me, knows my camelion-like ability to transform into the person other people need me to be- a great skill for getting along in a lot of different social situations, but rather detrimental to my sense of self.

As you all have been with me through a bit of darkness of late, I figured, you deserve a little bit of light. So here it is. I have a crush :) Contrary to my usual "over-think everything" tendencies, I am just going to see where this goes. At the moment, it is tending in a good direction. A good place to start :)

Learning to Juggle

I have a dilemma. A dilemma of the best sort, but a dilemma none the less. Two major pursuits have come to the forefront of my life in the past year, and both demand an intense amount of time. One, Trinabags, is my handbag business, the other, my need to make art. Of course these things are not mutually exclusive. There is no saying I can't do one while working on the other. But for me, a person who strives to put everything I have into everything I do, it is exhausting! This constant juggling between one and the other is taxing me both physically and emotionally (have been sick more times in the past year than in the past five years put together.)

Recently I fancied I'd found a solution to this problem. I gave myself a schedule. One week I would work solely on Trinabags, the next, sculpture. For a little while it was working like a charm. If something came up during the wrong week, instead of stressing about how I was going to get everything done, I simply said, "Nope, not the right week. It can wait."

But what I am finding, is that the moment I get really excited about one venture or the other, something happens to remind me that I have all these balls flying furiously through the air and one missed step would mean they all come careening back down to earth. For example; Last week was a sculpture week, and it was a great week. I produced more in those seven days and developed more new ideas than I had in months. But as I was scooting happily along rolling plastic bags, I got a great email from my younger sister asking when my new website would be live because all the women at her internship love them and want to buy one. So, I dropped everything and got back to writing copy and cutting fabric so when my site does goes live, (hopefully NEXT WEEK!!!!) I will be ready with new bags and a killer message. Artwork successfully stalled.

Again, not two days later, I get an email from my college where a sculpture of mine will be displayed, reminding artists that all the work is due in Virginia next week. No sweat, I'll just stop cutting this fabric here and start fixing that sculpture I have to send out on Monday. Are you beginning to sense my problem?

So how do I do it? How do I keep doing the things that I love without sacrificing my sanity or every spare moment of my social life? Good grief, God only knows what I'll do when I have a family someday. All things considered however, how very lucky I am to have such dreams with such tangible possibilities of their actually coming to fruition. Who would have thought that Trina, the girl who spent her summers in trees reading books and burning her face with flaming marshmallows would be a crazy bag lady/artist freak. Actually come to think of it, those two childhood examples might in fact, not leave you so very surprised by that outcome. :)