Ok. Upon reflecting on yesterday's rather melancholy post, -which I really struggled over posting at all, and just prayed to god no eligible and attractive potential dates read it, (yikes!) I would like to take this opportunity to clear up one point that I neglected to mention in the post. Despite my dating circumstances, I am in a very happy place in my life right now. And that happiness is on my own terms. Having found that within myself, I think, is a huge gift.
I really know who I am. I can listen to my gut and trust my instincts because I have learned to be independent in a way a lot of girls my age are not. All my decisions are my own, my acceptance of my body and all its qualities is because I came to that peace, not because a man told me I was beautiful (though like any girl, I love a well-timed compliment). So though there are things I greatly look forward to in a romantic relationship and will learn from by dating men I am not meant to be with forever, I have learned a ton by not being with someone.
I will find love. I know this because I know how to love, and I do so with great devotion and loyalty. And the rest of the relationships in my life are strong and healthy, it's not like I am a social outcast or something. My main problem is getting past that first hurtle of getting myself out there, and not being afraid of having my heart broken a little, or of dating men I am later, a little embarrassed to remember. I am cautious. I know. But I am getting to a point where my caution is holding me back from experiences I need and want to have. I think my new found sense of youth and carefree fun will help a lot in this regard. Not to mention the fact that I now drink alcohol. Though I have a great time without it, when it comes to matters of the heart, I am better off with lower inhibitions seeing as my natural course of action is to clam up.
My goal this summer is a fling. Nothing serious, nothing lasting, something to "break the ice" so to speak. I am currently taking applications. If there are any attractive and eligible men reading this (doubtful as that may be) ask me out. I'll say yes, and I will probably laugh at your lame jokes too. So if you are looking for a fun red-headed, too gullible for her own good date, I'm your girl. And despite what you may have read to the contrary, I am mostly normal and well balanced. Plus I promise not to mention any of this ever again. A winning combination if you ask me.
1 comment:
i gotta say, my fling with aussie boy has done me SO much good. i highly recommend a healthy fling. :)
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