Separate but equal...

Despite the need for a, "What's Going on in Trina's life" post...(that will come later, I promise), I am instead going to comment on a phenomenon I struggle to understand. Twice in the last week I have been confronted with it, and I can no longer stand idly by, muttering under my breath but not asking out loud the question so many of us ignore.

Just as a minor disclaimer, this post is in no way meant to offend. It is an honest question, and born out of a desire to understand.

So now that I have put everybody on edge with the title of this post and the above disclaimer which pretty much states that I am going to talk about the giant elephant in the room, I will start with a little bit of background.

I am a white, middle class female, born into a white middle class family in a predominantly white, middle class town. Apart from being female (and my red hair growing up), there is nothing about me that would solicit prejudice or blatant disrespect. And for the most part, the occasions on which I felt looked down upon for being a girl have been few and far between.

Racism, and all its ugly layers, has never been something I have experienced up close. And I hardly understand how it could even be a factor. People are people, with feelings, strengths, weaknesses, ten finger, ten toes- the color of skin or the shape of a nose or an eye are no more telling signs of somebody’s character than whether or not blood flows through their veins. And we have as little control over it. I didn't plan on being born white, just like I didn't sit in my mother's uterus and think, "You know, I think I'd like freckles, and maybe some broad shoulders, and while we're doing the baby building thing here, how about a set of big muscular thighs that are impossible to buy jeans for." I can't help how I came into this world anymore than any other person born of a man and woman (and for the record, that's everyone) So why is it an issue?

Anyway, back to the elephant.... So I was watching a movie the other night, and it was a terrible movie, so terrible in fact that I couldn't tear my eyes away from it, such was the glory of the awkward sentences and forced-emotion (which isn't to say the movie lacked all merit- there were some good morals thrown in there, a few funny moments, personal struggles were overcome). But there was one scene in the middle that stood out to me as problematic. A man and woman were on their first date; she was hurt pretty badly by her first husband, he was the proverbial "knight in shining armor". They were doing the whole getting to know you thing (and for cinematic effect, we were graced with the "in her head" voice over narration- pretty awesome, let me tell you). Amidst talking and looking bashfully at one another, she catches him eyeing her, and says something to the effect of "What are you looking at?" and he responds, "I am looking at a beautiful black woman...." yada yada. I didn't listen to the rest of what he had to say, I was still caught up on the beautiful black woman part. There was nothing wrong with what he said really, he was being complimentary and kind, but it was the additional adjective in the middle.

I don't know how to say this without sounding evil and judgmental, but it bothered me that he put the "black" qualifier into it. Why couldn't she just be a beautiful woman? Never have I heard a man say "I am looking at a beautiful white woman," or "I am looking at a beautiful Asian woman." In the black community it is a celebrated identifier, added as a necessary part of the equation whenever discussions of quality, in any realm, are held. In Jerry Maguire, when Rod Tidwell is given a crappy contract, his wife turns to him and says (I'm paraphrasing here) "you are a strong, surviving, splendid, black man" I know these are both somewhat skewed examples as they are from movies and not reality, but they illustrate my point.

I can see where the need to add the qualifier would come from, as a population oppressed for hundreds of years and made to feel unworthy and devoid of value, to turn the tables and place emphasis on the perceived "short coming" and to turn it instead into a source of pride seems a natural reaction. But at this point, is it making the problem worse? By separating yourself with such a marked identifier, are you continuing to allow the color of your skin to define you as a human being? Yes, your skin is black, but you are also a sister, a brother, a friend, a lover, a husband, wife, writer, artist, doctor, business owner, closet harpsichord player... whatever you are, you are so much more than your epidermis.

But then we come to the idea of celebrating yourself for who you are and where you come from. Who am I to say you shouldn't take pride in your heritage and the color of your skin? You should! You should love your being in its entirety. You should be proud of where you come from and who your family is. You should be proud of yourself for the struggles you have overcome, the accomplishments you have made, and the successes you have had, just as everyone else has the right to. I come from a skin color I am not defined by, so I have no idea what it would be to negotiate those two opposing forces; wanting to break free from the singular definition, but not wanting to lose something so integral to your being. But it is not your whole being, just as my red hair is not my whole being; a part of it certainly, a part I love in fact, but not the whole story.

So I guess I just want to hear what people think. Am I being inappropriate to wonder about this- and to think it is part of the problem? Just to be clear, I don't think this is purely about black/white. That is the example I gave because it was one I was confronted with recently, but it applies to all kinds of prejudice based on ridiculous things like skin color. How can we as human beings break free from this cycle. How can I change to help propel change? Must I stand idly by as the world continues to choose oppressor and oppressed from one generation to the next? In short, how do we fix this?