Home again.

For the last several months, GC and I, (but mostly GC) have found ourselves traveling. A lot. From one business trip to the next, I watch as he packs up his suitcase. He coordinates the colors for each conference, "This time, I think I'll make it a black theme," heads to the ticket counter and toward a flight that will take him to Las Vegas, San Diego, St. Louis.

Luckily, I was able to accompany him to San Diego and tag-teamed it with a quick jaunt up to LA to visit my sister (it was a lovely 3-day siesta from the craziness of life back home) but mostly, I wait.

A year ago, if asked whether or not I found this bothersome, the independent girl in me would have laughed it off, "He's only going away for 6 days, I think I'll survive. I'll probably even enjoy it." But now, the reality of his being gone is less freeing than I anticipated.

For GC, the trips are non-stop business. Day long seminars, followed by plant tours, followed by fancy dinners with potential vendors. The distraction of why he's traveling in the first place keeps him from noticing the minutes and hours that pass while he's away. I however, with nothing but the normalcy of life to keep me busy, find it hard not to long for him in the evenings, after work, when the house is quiet.

To keep away the stillness, I clean, I catch up on laundry, on filing, on new home set-up. All things considered, it's an incredibly productive time for me. Despite my hustle and bustle however, his absence is ever-present. My co-workers, (all of whom have young, active families), yearn for this time alone. They cherish the calmness of an empty house and the anticipation of all the tasks they'll accomplish without the demands of kids, spouses, etc. I suppose I too, may someday find myself in that place, longing for alone time, but at present, I just wish he were home.

In the days he's away, I sleep on his side of the bed to surround myself in his smell. I wear his sweatpants and often lift his cologne bottles to my nose while brushing my teeth in the morning. Of course, I know he's only going to be away from me for a few days. Compared to the spouses that watch their husbands or wives go off to war, or the long distance relationships born of relocation or other means, I have very little to complain about.

In a strange way, I kind of enjoy the longing, probably because it only lasts a few day. When he comes home, like he will tonight, I look forward to it as if it were Christmas day. At the airport, when he comes around the corner from the terminal, I just want to run up and kiss him all over. This behavior is not wholly comfortable for GC (he, being ever-so-slightly on the conservative side and that falling rather heavily in the PDA category), so I try to restrain myself at least a little. Regardless of restraint however, there's no denying I'm overjoyed to see him.

Tonight, he'll be home again. I know it's a little childish, but the first thing I'll do, like I always do, is throw my arms open and wrap them around him, all the while my soul saying a prayer of thanks that he's home, safe with me.