Has this ever happened to you? One day your scooting along in your daily existence, going from one busy activity to the next, not noticing the patterns you've slipped into, when POW! you suddenly realize something about yourself that you're not all that thrilled with? This happened to me yesterday.
What did I discover you ask? I noticed that instead of encouraging myself and believing in my abilities, I instead constantly question whether or not I am good enough or capable enough. Then, to cope with my "down on myself" mentality I seek the adamant responses of friends and family to negate the self-deprecating comments I frequently make.
The real kicker is, somewhere, way deep down, I know I have a lot of talents, and given my past record, tend more toward success and happiness than failure and misery. But it's almost as if I can't believe I'm good enough until it comes from the mouths of others. Messed up, I know.
So now I am on a mission. Instead of putting myself down and not believing I can be successful, I am going to go after the things I want, even if I am completely uncertain of the outcome. All those visions in my head of a glorious Trinabags boutique? I am going to believe they can come true, from the displays and store front, to the wall murals and back room workshop. For every time I feel my bags are not up to snuff and I begin noticing each "obvious" flaw, instead of losing confidence in my product, I am going encourage myself to learn more so I can grow in my trade. Simply put, I am pulling an engine that could, "I think I can I think I can".
And I to go along with that, I am going to be true to what I want, not what everyone around me wants, despite their best intentions for my success. I don't want to be another Vera Bradley where every college girl and her mother are carrying my bags, I don't want to be a Coach, or a Burberry, I don't want Saks 5th Ave, or Neiman Marcus. I want one small shop, maybe two, where I am always busy, making bags for people I can see face to face, with an online shop for those face to face people's sisters. I want a shop where I have the freedom to close one day a week if I want to, a shop where I can bring my kids to work with me someday, a shop where I make the decision to give away a good chunk of the profits because I think it's right without answering to anyone else, a shop that is smallish, and all mine.
I have never wanted to be big and famous. It's not me, and it never will be. I prefer a more subtle existence that allows me to keep my priorities straight, and money (beyond what I need to live a comfortable life where I am not constantly worried about making all my monthly payments, with a little spending money for a trip or two abroad each year :)) will never be one of them. The enjoyment of what I do, the ability to spend time, real time, with the people I love, and the chance to take in all that life has to offer, which for me includes sitting on a porch with some lemonade, not feeling like I have to be somewhere else, making deals, pretty much sums it up.
Now with my new perspective, I can make it happen. As the GC says, I'm Trina, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. Damn Straight :)
3 comments:
i've never yet doubted your greatness. :)
You go girl! If you are this driven at 23 I can't wait to see what's happening when you're 33. You certainly don't come across as self-deprecating, quite the opposite. I can't wait to patron a Trinabag storefront someday:)
Dude, duh. You rock. The bitch of it is, we go through these ridiculous episodes again and again in life, the upside being we are that much more grateful as we achieve the clarity of our own worth.
Maybe my girls will carry Trina-clutches to prom...
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