There's no place to begin but here.

I'm getting married! Yup, that's right, married. The GC asked, and through bottom-of-my-heart tears, I said yes. :)

I'll get to how it all went down in my next post (I've got to give it to the guy, "he done good!"), but I think, given how hopeless I thought my love life to be 18 months ago, it's only right to touch on just how quickly the tides of life can shift.

18 months ago, I hadn't even met GC. I had no idea that 4 blocks from my apartment lived a man that in a little over a year, would ask me to be his wife. Instead, I was "just looking" on match.com, and had been for a couple of months. As I think anyone out of college in their mid-twenties will tell you, it's hard to meet people out in the real world. So, I turned to an online watering hole to find true love. Ultimately, match.com is the place where GC and I would cross paths.

18 months ago also marked a shift in my thought process. The only thing I can say about my mental state at the time, is that though I sometimes felt alone, somewhere along the way I began to recognize that even without a man to hold me, life was pretty good. Instead of moping, I began to focus my attention on finding meaning in life and love, and sought comfort in places besides a romantic relationship.

I became less obsessed with finding the guy, and more aware of "becoming the girl", meaning I focused on finding happiness on my own terms, on discovering what made me confident and secure in who I was. Was I someone a guy would want to date? Probably not if I thought he could fix all my problems. So I became happy, for no one but myself. It was a choice. I'd be lying if I said I was happy every day. There were certainly times when life really stunk it up, but for the most part, my days were good, my relationships solid, and my mental state positive.

Each day I tried to do things that brought joy into my life. I spent time with my little from Big Brothers Big Sisters. I exercised. I started writing this blog. I spent time with my roommate. I hung out with my dad. I worked hard on a small business. All these things brought me to a better place, a place where, sure, I may not have met the man of my dreams yet, but you know what, it's ok. I'm still Trina, and life is still good.

It was in this time that I met GC (for those of you who don't know, that means, my "gentleman caller". And you know what, I got lucky. I got lucky because he was the type of guy who wouldn't rush me into things I wasn't ready for, he didn't laugh at me when I told him he was the first guy to ever really kiss me, he didn't judge me for making a ninny of myself on numerous occasions, and most importantly, he handled (and continues to handle) my extremely sensitive and often naive heart with the gentlest of hands.

I've shared some of our early dating stories here in the past, and there are many more that I have left out either intentionally (to protect the innocent, of course) or neglected to write about in my several month long hiatus, but I can tell you now, it's the tip of the iceberg. To explain how it all happened is hard other than to say it seems as though the GC was always there, waiting for me to find him. The path each of us had to follow to get to one another meandered through vastly different peaks and valleys, but for some reason, we got lucky in the crossing.

Since that time, I struggle to remember how I felt before I met GC. I know many of you will say, "these feelings will fade, your love will change, it won't be as heightened, but of a more sedate and lasting rhythm." Perhaps you're right, but it doesn't seem heightened to me now, it seems steady, and true. I'm not one prone to the extreme highs and lows of emotion. I feel very deeply, but those feelings are come to gradually and with what some might call, over-zealous contemplation. I know things will change, and life will present us with challenges we cannot yet imagine, but I hope the traits that have defined our relationship to date will continue to bolster our spirits as we face the more harsh realities of life.

All I can say, is that I am so happy to have found the GC, and very glad to have met him when I did. I was ready to be the kind of person he needed, confident and secure in who I was, apart from his love. His love makes everything a little brighter, but if he had known me two years ago, there's a good chance he would have run for the hills because there's no love that can shine bright enough to compensate for a black hole of insecurity! Now, I'm happy to say our paths will follow a course of the same making, our making and I've got a feeling it's going to be a great ride. :)