Finding Normal Again

The last 18 months have been hard, on so many levels. I disappeared, yes. It was all I could do not to breakdown let alone find a way to put into words feelings I wasn't even sure how to articulate to myself. For a reader's digest catch up on the last several months, I am still happily engaged (phew!) and my fiance and I bought a house! It rocks! I'm a homeowner! Those rays of sunshine however, were greatly dimmed by a really tough life lesson. Under very unfortunate circumstances, we lost something I doubt we'll ever be able to find again.

After much counseling and many tears, frustration, rejection, and blatant anger and hate directed toward my fiance and I, the GC's son, Caesar chose to emancipate himself from us. We haven't seen or heard from him almost three months. He is 17. It was a huge blow to GC and I (and I imagine Caesar though I doubt he'll ever admit it). Only now, three months later, have we started to bounce back a little.

I think about Caesar pretty much everyday. I hope he's happy and safe, and that he's found whatever it was GC and I couldn't provide. I think of him when we go to the gym (he used to go with us on a regular basis), at the coffee shop where I know he and his girlfriend like to hang out, whenever I pass his school or the building where he and GC used to live, when I see kids playing football at the park... there are reminders everywhere. I'd rather not go into the nitty gritty details, it's a long long story. But with the onset of Spring and the coming out of shells, both physical and emotional, I thought it was time for a blogging re-birth. I have missed it so.

So here I am. Healing. Stacking claim to the happiness and joy that I usually find in life, ready to notice the sun on my face again and smile at its warmth.