Happiness?

What is being happy? Is it a series of moments strung together that you look fondly on in years to come? Is it pursuing a dream? Is it loving a mate, a friend, a family? Is it looking toward the future with as much optimism as you can muster? Is it a combination of all these things?

Recently, in a cyber stalker sort of way, I caught up on the life story of a former client from work through thorough reading of his blog (hey, if it's out there, I suppose it's not stalking right? I mean I don't think of you guys, the two loyal readers of my measly little blog as stalkers).

About two years ago, this person burst on the scene at my office with a rush of enthusiasm. He formed ties with our staff, invited us into his life and his house. We were for a time, showered with copious amounts of compliments for our work, and family-centered philosophy. We built him websites, (3 of them!) and designed a brand for his very successful business. For all intents and purposes, we thought we had found not only a client, but a friend.

But then, as quickly as he came, he left.

Looking back, it's easier to see the cracks in the seemingly smooth veneer of friendship. A master with words, the honey of his tongue disguised the underlying message. So long as we were the ones being given "advice" on how to live our lives, make our art, raise families, etc. so too were we the happy recipients of friendship and kindness. The moment however, we offered any feedback in return, as "friendship" so often allows, the walls went up and the friend withdrew.

I am not trying to paint this person as a bad guy, in fact, to this day I still like him quite a bit and am inspired by his go-getter approach to life. He was unkind, so far as I know, only once, and I believe it was a combination of clashing personalities, and an inability to hear criticism of his own life.

Since he left, I have been intrigued by the progression of his life. He ended a marriage, met a woman (who ended a marriage of her own), and has since married this woman. She strikes me, from the limited amount I know of her, as a kind, quiet sort of person. I have never seen these two together and so really have no real idea of their compatibility except to say they seem vastly different in terms of outward approach, she quiet, he a whirlwind of words and excitement.

Regardless of their compatibility, my whole point here is this... first, all three websites have been redesigned. The momentum with which the "MOVING ON" occurred left the whole office feeling a little bit rejected. And now he has moved on to a new project, his life with a new wife. Weren't we friends? Isn't this the type of life shift you share with friends?

Being so close to the wedded state myself, I have no problem with him loving his new wife and reveling in their newly-wed life. I do truly hope they have both found a mate that loves and fulfills them on a profound level.

I am challenged to articulate the root feeling here... maybe there is no better description except to say his "happiness" seems in some way, hurtful. Is he really happy? Or is he playing at it? Looking for it? Shaking up his own world to make him feel as if he's found it? Is this woman really his partner, or one quiet enough to accept an ever-plentiful flow of "advice"? Perhaps it's what she needs to move beyond her quiet, contemplative shell and go after what she wants in life. Perhaps he is quieted by her serene nature and thus both benefit from the union.

From the outside looking in, it would seem that they are both thriving. I really hope they are. For me, I prefer the softer shifts in life. I am not great at writing people off. It feels wrong, and rarely necessary. I guess the definition of happiness adapts to fit the person.

Right now, happiness and I are one. I'll leave the happiness of others, each to themselves.