I have been thinking about the future lately. A lot. I've thought about how sometimes it seems I am getting way behind, missing things, letting myself get sucked into the everyday monotony without moving forward.
I've thought about my professional life, the job I'm at and the job I want and if those two things are the same.
I've thought about my emotional life, and how the love I have now and love I hope for in the next phase of my life is going to be different.
I've thought about the town I live and if it's a place I can see myself for a while.
I've thought about school and whether or not now is the right time to go back.
I've thought about what it's really going to take to get Trinabags off the ground.
I've thought about how much I miss my friends and family sometimes, and how I wish everyday that I could hug my mom, shoot the shit with my friends, or ask advice from my older sister, face to face.
I'm in my 20's man, 24 to be exact. And in the next 5 years a whole lot of things are going to change. Some changes might be expected, and some might be totally out of left field. But they're going to change.
In the process of thinking about all these things, I decided to take a quick look at where I've been in the hopes of seeing more clearly where I should go. Where better to look than the history books of my college career. I dusted off my resume, re-read some creative writing shorts (which I thought were much better then than I do now) and went over some simple assignments I had received from an incredible professor.
One of those assignments was a 5 year and 10 year list of life goals, found below, unedited.
Five Year Goals:
• Graduate with honors from the University of Mary Washington
• Buy a car
• Find a job (preferably one I like, but I am willing to work a crap job for a little while until I figure things out)
• Decide whether or not I want to go to graduate school and apply accordingly
• Be able to pay all my own bills
• Move out of my parents house
• Go to Ireland
• Save some money, if possible, start investing in some kind of 401K
• Continue making artwork, no matter what, even if it is made of the cheapest materials imaginable
• Have work in a non-academic exhibition
Ten Year Goals:
• Own a small business/ gallery
• Own a home
• Have received my graduate degree if that is the course I choose
• Have a developed and mature portfolio
• Have exhibitions/residencies/grant opportunities
• Be married or on that track (family is very important to me)
• Have some money invested for retirement etc.
• Have a feeling of success, regardless of income
• Travel to several foreign countries and see a large amount of the USA
• Write a book
• Maintain my work ethic and determination
• Enjoy where I am at
And here again, with a little editing:
Five Year Goals:
• Graduate with honors from the University of Mary Washington- CHECK!
• Buy a car- CHECK!
• Find a job (preferably one I like, but I am willing to work a crap job for a little while until I figure things out)- CHECK!
• Decide whether or not I want to go to graduate school and apply accordingly- CHECK!
• Be able to pay all my own bills- CHECK!
• Move out of my parents house- CHECK!
• Go to Ireland- SORT OF CHECK- WENT TO ROME INSTEAD
• Save some money, if possible, start investing in some kind of 401K- CHECK!
• Continue making artwork, no matter what, even if it is made of the cheapest materials imaginable- CHECK!
• Have work in a non-academic exhibition- CHECK!
Ten Year Goals:
• Own a small business/ gallery- CHECK! (THE BUSINESS PART)
• Own a home- NOT JUST YET
• Have received my graduate degree if that is the course I choose- NOT THE COURSE FOR NOW
• Have a developed and mature portfolio- GETTING THERE
• Have exhibitions/residencies/grant opportunities- CHECK!
• Be married or on that track (family is very important to me)- I REFUSE TO COMMENT FOR THOSE WITH CURIOUS MINDS, IT'S MUCH TOO SOON TO PONDER
• Have some money invested for retirement etc.- CHECK!
• Have a feeling of success, regardless of income- KINDA
• Travel to several foreign countries and see a large amount of the USA- ON THE WAY!
• Write a book- YOU NEED FREE TIME FOR THAT, IT CURRENTLY DOESN'T EXIST
• Maintain my work ethic and determination- CHECK!
• Enjoy where I am at- MOST OF THE TIME
I have to say, it was an awesome thing to find. Not only has it been just 3 years since I wrote that list, but I am almost completely done with the first list and starting on the second. There is nothing like a little self-written affirmation that despite what might seem like a lack of progress, you're always moving forward.
I guess the lesson here is that so long as you're ever-seeking to better yourself, to grow, to find new ways of dealing with old problems, life will happen as it should, or better put, as it is meant to happen. Not all things that have happened to me since I graduated college have been great. In fact, a lot of things have sucked, hardcore. But they got me here, to where I am right now in this very moment.
Some things on this list will never get crossed off. I'll add new things as my needs and dreams change, and I'll bet there will probably be a few I'll happily remove for the very same reason. Every day it seems something else reminds me of the lovely evolution that is life, the combined moments and lessons along the way that somehow make for a life. I guess the responsibility left to me is to notice each day, each phase, each lesson, and to forgive myself the inevitable screw ups I manage to find myself in. After all, they might be just the piece of the puzzle necessary to check off another goal.
A written record of the scuffles, rants and revelations of a 20-something searcher.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Monday, May 14, 2007
23 here I come!
Saturday marked the turning of my 23rd year. Yikes. I don't know about anyone else, but odd number years just sound older, 23 sounds older than 24, 35 sounds older than 36. It's strange. But I have decided, I am in fact, not old, or even close to it.
Old, Cool, Hot, these adjectives are entirely based on perspective. An example if you will; picture me, the now 23 year old, in my 8 year old youth, frolicking in the back yard, climbing trees, riding bikes, playing dress up and then continuing to climb trees while in "dress up" attire (otherwise known as 1970's era lingerie my mother purchased at a resale shop because it made for excellent beauty queen costumes). We had a babysitter named Christy, and she was everything I wanted to be. She was in, (sigh) high school. And she was so cool and grown up. She had a boyfriend, and played on the tennis team, which meant she must have been the most amazing tennis player to have ever graced the court. She was 16 and she drove this little beater of a car. My sisters and I crunched ourselves into the back when we drove to the grocery store to get summer treats and I can vividly remember one such trip where we had to hide from one of her ex-boyfriends (oh the drama!). When I reached 16, I realized with something akin to disappointment, that I was no where near as cool as Christy had been at 16. When I turned 21, a similar situation. I was not grown up, or sophisticated, and I definitely was not as "together" as I thought I would be at 16 or 21. Now at the ripe old age of 23, I can see it's all about perspective. Christy was the epitome of cool because she represented a teenager, someone that had experienced grown up things, but wasn't a parent or a teacher. I looked at her life through the rose colored glass of my young years and limited experience.
The same thing goes for "old". To someone in their 50's reading this, I am young and carefree, without their world of potential middle age worries, paying for college, taking care of kids, colonoscopes, mammograms. But for me, this is as old as I have ever been and I am feeling it acutely. The loss of my childhood, the rush of emotions that come mostly from fluctuating hormones, school dances, taking classes, final exams, term projects, all these things that have defined my 23 years are fresh in my mind. My perspective of age is derived from my experience, because what other measuring pole do any of us really have?
I probably seem to the children I have watched through years of babysitting, to be very grown up and together. Hehe, oh if they only knew. But I hope as I get older, and gain little pebbles of wisdom, I maintain the veil of rose colored glass that is youth, looking forward to every part of life as a child would view it, with high hopes and undaunted enthusiasm for what's to come. To have that, AND the ability to enjoy all that is this moment, to soak in life until my fingers get all pruny. With that I would be happy. With that, I would feel I did all I could to make my years on this earth count. Right now I am 23, with a lot to learn, and a lot to experience. But I have high hopes for what's next. I think 23 is going to be a pretty great year for me, I can feel it. Like a good book I can't put down, I am looking forward to turning every page.
Old, Cool, Hot, these adjectives are entirely based on perspective. An example if you will; picture me, the now 23 year old, in my 8 year old youth, frolicking in the back yard, climbing trees, riding bikes, playing dress up and then continuing to climb trees while in "dress up" attire (otherwise known as 1970's era lingerie my mother purchased at a resale shop because it made for excellent beauty queen costumes). We had a babysitter named Christy, and she was everything I wanted to be. She was in, (sigh) high school. And she was so cool and grown up. She had a boyfriend, and played on the tennis team, which meant she must have been the most amazing tennis player to have ever graced the court. She was 16 and she drove this little beater of a car. My sisters and I crunched ourselves into the back when we drove to the grocery store to get summer treats and I can vividly remember one such trip where we had to hide from one of her ex-boyfriends (oh the drama!). When I reached 16, I realized with something akin to disappointment, that I was no where near as cool as Christy had been at 16. When I turned 21, a similar situation. I was not grown up, or sophisticated, and I definitely was not as "together" as I thought I would be at 16 or 21. Now at the ripe old age of 23, I can see it's all about perspective. Christy was the epitome of cool because she represented a teenager, someone that had experienced grown up things, but wasn't a parent or a teacher. I looked at her life through the rose colored glass of my young years and limited experience.
The same thing goes for "old". To someone in their 50's reading this, I am young and carefree, without their world of potential middle age worries, paying for college, taking care of kids, colonoscopes, mammograms. But for me, this is as old as I have ever been and I am feeling it acutely. The loss of my childhood, the rush of emotions that come mostly from fluctuating hormones, school dances, taking classes, final exams, term projects, all these things that have defined my 23 years are fresh in my mind. My perspective of age is derived from my experience, because what other measuring pole do any of us really have?
I probably seem to the children I have watched through years of babysitting, to be very grown up and together. Hehe, oh if they only knew. But I hope as I get older, and gain little pebbles of wisdom, I maintain the veil of rose colored glass that is youth, looking forward to every part of life as a child would view it, with high hopes and undaunted enthusiasm for what's to come. To have that, AND the ability to enjoy all that is this moment, to soak in life until my fingers get all pruny. With that I would be happy. With that, I would feel I did all I could to make my years on this earth count. Right now I am 23, with a lot to learn, and a lot to experience. But I have high hopes for what's next. I think 23 is going to be a pretty great year for me, I can feel it. Like a good book I can't put down, I am looking forward to turning every page.
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